It's Not a Bug--It's a Feature

Remember when visible underwear was de rigeur for trendy teenaged boys? It was when Mark Wahlberg was a Calvin Klein model. I remember seeing many cocky teens walking around with their arses hanging out of their pants. Plumbers-butt as chic.

Lovely.

Do you suppose it came about when Calvin Klein was suiting up some of his models and ran out of small enough trousers for Marky Mark? I can just see it now. No, we don't have any smaller pants, and I don't know where the belts are, but don't worry. Showing your arse will be trendy! Girls will fight to be around you! Now, let's just airbrush that superfluous nipple out of the pictures....

And voila! All of a sudden, visible undies were a sign of intense coolness.

Well, if nothing else, it gave me plenty of giggles.

Microsoft is another company good at taking erstwhile nasty things and making them look intentional, even desirable. Windows 95 is a great example. Erg. I hate it. It crashes worse than a papparazi car chase.

But I digress.

The other day I went to the grocery store to buy some eggs. When I got there, I noticed a little Maple Leaf advertisement stating, "These eggs come from vegetarian hens." My jaw dropped, and I hustled Daveman over to look.

I was amazed at the audacity of Maple Leaf. Their hens are kept in teensy little cages without any chance of exercise. In addition, their top bills are clipped off so their beak is basically shaped like a shovel. This makes it easier for them to scoop food into their gullets.

Of course these hens are vegetarian. They are not offered the chance to go free-range and eat all the lovely things hens would rather eat: worms, bugs, hummingbirds, etc.

So, what next, eco-friendly fur coats? I can just see this one. Due to the greenhouse effect, seals, minks, and Arctic foxes are suffering heat stress. Help us relieve them of their problems, and grab yourself a nice, fluffy coat while you're at it!

Or how about this as a commercial: a churning, boiling cattle stampede. Panicking cows low in despair under a broiling summer sun. A grunting man holds a red hot branding iron. Smoke. Pain. Fire. Loud, cacophonous music plays.

Pan to a dim, cool barn where young calves stand quietly chewing their cuds in cozy stalls. Quiet. Soothing. Calm. Relaxing classical music plays.

The commercial ends with a soft female voice saying, "Veal: The Humane Choice."

Lost?

You mean Windows is supposed to crash when I open up three programmes? Tell me!

Onward to The Inadvertent Masochist....